Some people haven’t understood me. In the beginning many in my university department didn’t understand what the heck I was talking about. You want to do a thesis of what-media? I applied to the creative writing department, and they sent me to the media department. It’s about media, right, not writing. Hmmm. Others didn’t understand why I would do a PhD when I’m keen on pursuing my creative passions? Why on Earth would anyone do a PhD if they don’t plan to work in academia? It’s like walking the Sahara before you write a book. Well, funny you should say that. I watched an interview with writer Paula Constant a few weeks ago (transcript, video). She wanted to be a writer. But before she wrote her first book she decided to walk across the Sahara. She needed to take that journey before she wrote. It was a perfect expression of who she is. A long road to a destination, but a path that is truly her own. This is where I think people who knock others, who claim that they can’t be X because they also do Y have never taken a risk themselves, have ever been courageous enough to be truly different…indeed, to be themselves.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
 e.e.cummings

One of the things Paula Constant said was that she had never completed something. I have completed things in the past, but nothing substantial. I wanted to do the PhD because I wanted to explore every aspect of a phenomenon I was passionate about. I wanted to research the past and present, I wanted to understand. I also wanted to train my mind to stay on one thing. Ha! At least I’ve learned to complete multiple things. But the training of the mind was important. I wanted to learn how to form an argument, to have knowledge that can be communicated in a sophisticated manner. I was very surprised by what I discovered.

I entered academia being bewildered by big words. It frustrated me and so I understand when others are frustrated too. Why can’t they just say the same thing in accessible language? I’ll tell you why. Experts delve deep. Discussions in academia last for decades, centuries. It is amazing, you don’t just turn up and say this is what I think! You enter a rushing river in which people throughout time have been pondering the same thing. Over that time the discussions get more and more specific. Generalisations don’t work, and terms have years of significance behind them. This isn’t just in academia. Any area of specialisation leads to jargon. So, big words aren’t about being a wanker (though a small population are like that), they are about communicating a specific point.

I also learned a lot about seeing something you create through to the end. I mean, this thesis has been in my life for years. I had to learn to keep going no matter what, to force myself to work. I’ve learned the easiest and most fun stage is definitely the wide exploration stage at the beginning. I’ve learned writing is research too. You discover things while you write. I learned that the hardest and darkest part of a major project is the final leg. This was for me in part due a significant death.

In the last four years, all of my significant female elders have died: my maternal and paternal grandmothers, and most recently mother. I know most people don’t have good relationships with their parents, and I know many are not brought up in loving environments, but I did and I was. My mother was an extraordinary woman and my only parent growing up. My life is less without her.

In fact, while writing the thesis was the hardest thing I have done, the worst part was finishing it. It broke my heart to finish it because it meant the end of a chapter of my life that included my mum. Just putting it online makes the end of this chapter undeniable. She isn’t here to be a part of it. It is the last leaf on the autumn tree. I remember when I was cleaning her blood out of the carpet (she hit the floor when she collapsed). I relished it because I could smell her, she still had a life-force of some kind, she was present. The heart-wrenching part was not cleaning her blood, but removing the last bit. Until there was no stain, nothing. Gone. Releasing the PhD is that last moment for me all over again. As long as my PhD is not released, I’m still in that world where I was struggling to finish it and she was there with me.

But she was there at my undergraduate ceremony, with my Granny too (see pic). And a couple of months before she died, she sent me a graduation gown for PhD ceremony. She was magically clever like that. Yes, now I have to leave that chapter of my life behind. She’ll be with me in other ways.

I am actually lucky to have a gift to give to the world as part of this crossing-over. It isn’t the thesis I thought I would write, it isn’t the thesis I wanted to write, but it is what I decided to give at this point in time. It lovingly embraces the complex breadth of the area, and so most of you with it. It is in many ways a mirror of you all, the beauty I see in you.

In the name of all who have created their own path, walked their own Sahara, and had the courage to follow their own star, I give you what is hopefully my first substantial gift to the world: my PhD.

In 2004 (six years ago!), I started a blog on cross-media entertainment. It was a time when cross-media was well known in the marketing industries (integrated marketing practices being the ancestor of such endeavours). I worked hard to share what I was discovering about the area, as it emerged with force in franchises, independent arts, publishing, and around the world. I did hundreds of talks and articles and blog posts, worked 7 days a week, 10 hours a day. Hard yards.

But I had a personal mission. I took on the PhD because I wanted to know everything I could about the area (not just what I was limited to with my own creative explorations), I also wanted to discipline my mind to focus on one project long-term, and thought academia may be a good back-up career. Ha!

I saw a PhD as different to all other types of schooling. In my research-based approach, this meant I didn’t go to classes or had to recapitulate what I was taught. A PhD is meant to be about contributing original thought. But then something happened in my final few months of writing my PhD. I realised that I couldn’t write whatever I wanted. I was being assessed. I had to write a thesis that showed I can research, engage in critical thought, and execute a rigorous argument. These skills are not the faint-hearted (many think being an academic means just referring to theories — which is incorrect).

So, I took out much of what I wanted to talk about, things which I was passionate about but which I couldn’t execute as yet in the manner needed for a thesis to be assessed on. I consoled myself by promising that after I submitted it, I could write about whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted.

But the state of postponing myself has lingered. It has lingered because although I’ve now finished it (I’m just waiting on the examiner reports and then I will put it online), I’m not in a position to do what I want to. That is, I’m not rolling in the cash I need to create the big projects I want too. I have the time now, but not the resources.

I panicked. Although I believe great things can happen, I realised that I couldn’t bank on what might happen, I had to act. What to do therefore? I’ve been offered some amazing jobs in industry and academia. Jobs that would give me lots of money, have me working with amazing people on large-scale projects worldwide. But I don’t want to go straight into being an employee. That is part of the reason for the PhD, it was part of a long-term plan to be my own boss. And the most important thing…I would be postponing doing my own creative projects for another couple of years.

So, I then thought about the business ideas I have. Beyond the transmedia consulting and public speaking that I continue to do, I have ideas for producing online services that can help the transmedia ecology and hopefully bring me a consistent income beyond my consulting. This income I use to produce my own creative projects. I just need to create these services and then I’ll be able to do the projects I want to do.

I crashed. I cannot keep putting myself off. Time is ticking and I haven’t done any of things I wanted to do in my life yet. I have things I want to say. Personal visions, ways of seeing the world I want to bring into reality. When will it be okay to do so? How many consulting jobs must I do before I have enough of a reputation and money to do what I want to do? How long do I have to “position” myself to appeal to people who will pay for my services, before I can just be me?

Then I saw this quote. It is by artist Jonathan Harris who has some insights online from a talk he gave:

You will become known for doing what you do. This may sound obvious, but it is a useful thing to realize. Many people seem to think they must endure a “rite of passage” which, once passed, will allow them to do the kind of work they want to do. Then they end up disappointed that this day never comes. Find a way to do the work you want to do, even if it means working nights and weekends. Once you’ve done a handful of excellent things in a given way, you will become known as the person who does excellent things in that given way. And that’s the person you want to be, because then people will hire you to be that person.

Of course. It helps to be reminded of such things. And so now my heart is at rest. I will continue to explore my services and do my consulting (which I love) because they are expressions of me. But I’m not going to wait any longer to get the money I need to create the projects I want to do. I’ll use whatever media I have available to me and write anyway. If it means I have many unproduced scripts sitting on my desk when I die, so be it. At least I would of brought them into the world, one blueprint at a time. From training wheels to blueprints, sounds like a plan of action.

Thank you training wheels, for taking me this far. It is now time for me to live on my own.

Photo of my late mum and I

I’m now in the USA to celebrate Xmas with family in Philly, then have two conferences I’m participating in, as well as lots of catch-ups with awesome people.

On Tuesday 29th December I’m on a panel at the Modern Language Association Convention being held at the Philadelphia Marriot. For those unfamiliar with the event, it is BIG in the traditional academic world. The panel is put together by Marc Ruppel, a theorist who has been researching what is now known as ‘transmedia storytelling’ but which Marc (like me) studied long before it was well-known. I’m really looking forward to meeting Marc and Burcu in person for the first time.

Re)Framing Transmedial Narratives (7:15–8:30 p.m., Congress A, Loews, Presiding: Marc Ruppel, Univ. of Maryland, College Park)

1. “From Narrative, Game, and Media Studies to Transmodiology,” Christy Dena, Univ. of Sydney
2. “To See a Universe in the Spaces In Between: Migratory Cues and New Narrative Ontologies,” Marc Ruppel
3. “Works as Sites of Struggle: Negotiating Narrative in Cross-Media Artifacts,” Burcu S. Bakioglu, Indiana Univ., Bloomington

Our submission abstracts are:

Marc Ruppel, University of Maryland College Park
To See a Universe in the Spaces In-Between: Migratory Cues and New Narrative Ontologies

As narrative continues to move beyond mono-medial storyworlds and into massive, multiply-mediated, multiply-authored fictional universes, literary structures have begun to form which attempt to link together these disparate clusters of media when their material properties do not allow for such networked operations.  Drawing upon narratology, network theory, cognitive science and user-interface design, this paper will examine what I call migratory cues, signs present in universes that work to connect the content of one media channel with that of another. Functioning much like a hyperlink metaphorized through different media, migratory cues can take the form of virtually anything, from objects to events to shared locations, or as external markers such as logos and website URLs. By locating and investigating the properties of migratory cues, we can not only witness the means through which new networks of narrative information are rapidly coalescing, but also the remarkable flexibility of narrative itself as a technology of media convergence.

Burcu S. Bakioglu, University of Indiana
Works as Sites of Struggle: Negotiating Narrative in Cross Media Works

This paper interrogates the divergent ways the materiality of the medium of cross media works affect the process of meaning-making and investigates how it influences the production of works. Works become sites of struggle because the stories that they narrate are in a state of constant negotiation between its producers/creators, the medium of the work, and the communities that these works mobilize. In a work born in media convergence, I argue, story-telling becomes a collaborative, and more important, a participatory process. Using Art of the H3ist, an Alternate Reality Game, this paper investigates the nature of performativity and collaboration in works that extend across various media and develops the model of performative narratives to refer to works that encourage and rely on such activities for the formation of its texts. 

Christy Dena, University of Sydney
From Narrative, Game & Media Studies to Transmodiology

A recognition of the multimodal nature of communication has reinvigorated narrative studies of late. This paper interrogates the methodological ramifications of a multimodal awareness: when observing the role and effects of different modes in a creative work, how can the understandings and insights of game, media and art theory be invoked? How can the understanding of non-narrative and narrative phenomena be recognised and reconfigured in a mode-agnostic approach? This paper presents some methodological frameworks for exploring this approach.

There are lots of great sessions at this event, so I look foward to hearing some interesting talks on gaming, new media narratives and meta discussions on academia in general, and also catching up and meeting colleagues.

I’ll also be at the Microsoft Research Social Computing Symposium.

For the past four years, Microsoft Research (MSR) has sponsored a symposium on social computing that has brought together academic and industry researchers, developers, writers, and influential commentators in order to open new lines of communication among previously disconnected groups. The 2010 symposium will focus on “city as platform”. We will have brief (5-10 minutes) talks by a handful of speakers on each of the topics, followed by related breakout sessions, and lots of time to interact with other attendees.

I was lucky to be flown to the event last year and this year I was invited back because I was on the team that won one of the games last year! Yep, that’s right. I’m not really invited back, just offered a place as a winner. Hehe. Luckily I’m in New York at the time so I’m attending again! It really is a great event that has such a great selection of people attend. I hold this event up as one of my favourites I’ve ever been to and so I’m really looking forward to it.

Other than that I’ll be catching up with many awesome people in Philly and New York. Can’t wait.

Hope you’re all having a great holidays. More soon.

Ep 8: Wrinkles Rock! from christydena on Vimeo.

And a big hug to you all who have sent me emails and DMs. Feel free to continue to contact me in any way you like, whenever you like, about whatever you like. You all fascinate me.

Ep 7: The 5 Day Test from christydena on Vimeo.

Also, I forgot to note in the video: Go Obama! What an exciting time! I’m so happy with the way the planet is going.

Here is one of the pics I love — this one reflects the personal achievement of Obama:

And this video shows peoples responses to Obama and what he represents to them (flashbacks to the 60s, including nudity, await…)…

Ep 6: One Thing from christydena on Vimeo.

Ep 5: Writing Music from christydena on Vimeo.

Ep 4: No-Death Change for a Change from christydena on Vimeo.

Dark-Side Attacker Tactics from christydena on Vimeo.

Community of Spirit from christydena on Vimeo.